So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
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I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
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I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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