The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
