is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
