My nipple is on Facebook.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
