one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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