I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Church boner. Awkwardddd
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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