I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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