My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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