so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
there is glitter all over my balls
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