are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
