He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
