is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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