I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
