Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
