I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
