He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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