it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
