Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
