Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
