So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
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