dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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