So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Operation Purity has been aborted
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
