i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
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