Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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