dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
