Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
