So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
