smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
