yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
