I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
