Sry I called you an 8
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
