I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
