When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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