I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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