Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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