Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
