Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
