last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
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