I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy sore nipples Batman
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize