Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Randomize
