New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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