Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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