Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
