Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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