I don't remember. Are we still dating?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
