I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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