tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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