I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
