I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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