My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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