her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
