She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
