I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
