Need sex. Gaining weight.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
