guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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