He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
