Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
