Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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