I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
