I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
