He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
