yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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