When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
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