So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
