That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
