Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
