There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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