i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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