all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
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